What will the next Raider rumor be?

It is Friday, 10am, you’re a sports writer staring blankly at your laptop, one side of your mind is thinking of Happy Hour the other side is desperate for an original idea. You scour the web only to find nothing of note to write about.

What do you do? What do you do?

Well, do what all the great bloggers and journalists out there do.

Start a Raider rumor!

In order to help all you passive aggressive journalists and feeble bloggers who have nothing better to write about, I’d like to offer the following rumors for you to run with.

Feel free to use any of these, no need to thank me or even link my site.

Matt Jones will be a Raider – The fact that all you Raider Haters out there missed this one is a clear sign that you’re still patting yourselves on the back for getting the “Terrell Owens will be a Raider” campaign all the way from chat rooms to Chris Mortensen’s lips. Now is not the time to rest on your laurels, go for broke and sell all your mindless readers on some made up story of how Al Davis found a drunken Matt Jones on the streets Alameda. Davis, ever the benevolent soul, took Jones in, nursed him to health and then offered him a 6-year, $35 million-dollar contract.

Michael Bush has been traded for Michael Vick and Plaxico Burress – This is a tough one to sell being that two of these guys aren’t even in the NFL at the moment. Look, you’re a great hack writer, dig deep and figure out a way to make this believable. Here is a tip: Drop some obscure name with a credible title such as an agent, life coach or nanny who is close to one of the above mentioned athletes. Your clueless audience will eat it up and won’t even think twice that this trade is not even possible. They’ll just read your lies and at the end will throw their hands up and say, “That’s the Raiders for you.”

Michael Huff’s celebrity basketball game -  Last Saturday Michael Huff held a celebrity basketball benefit in Austin, Texas. Here is where you can really show your talents. Make up some story about Huff hurting his ankle in the game. When Huff showed up at the team facility in order to receive treatment for the injury, Al Davis instructed the trainers not to help Huff. Toss in some made up statement from John Herrera explaining that, “We’re only treating football related injuries in the East Bay!”, and viola – you’ve started an unofficial team rift. You can stoke the flames from now until the start of the regular season. Once the Raiders are starting Tyvon Branch over Huff, you can then parlay your lie into a full blown “Al Davis is telling Tom Cable not to play Huff” conspiracy theory. Never mind that Huff wasn’t going to play anyway, you just gained credibility in the blogosphere!

If none of this helps you, then I’m afraid you’re just going to have to actually get creative and write about something relevant and truthful. Not as fun as cooking up bogus headlines – I know – but you just might feel a little better about yourself while you’re drinking alone at the bar tonight.

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  • PtownRaider

    Or….You can ask some washed up retired ex-wanna be-Raider player..and then have him say “what my raider people are telling me is….” and then have him bag on the current coach whom he doesn’t even know about….

    Sapp..stick to your own picnic and BBQs…cuz we know you know how to find them! Plus you have plenty of time between dance routines punk.

  • Chris Shellcroft

    Nice call P-Town!

    I should have dropped one in there for former Raider players too! Sapp just loves the fact that he is finally paid to run his mouth.

  • http://www.bluegrassravebackroom.com/ DJTennessee

    >>“What will the next Raider rumor be?”

    Khalif Barnes… in the conservatory… with the candlestick.

  • tyrell

    this would be funnier if it werent so damn true

  • http://blog.lib.umn.edu/rotty002/nflchat/ thenflchat

    Hey what was he looking at, that’s crazy

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