He was kind enough to give JBB an interview.
Just Blog Baby: Congrats on the win tonight, Bruce.
Bruce Gradkowski: Oh, hey man. Just call me The Dude. Ya know, on the field I’m The Big Gradkowski. Off the field, I’m just The Dude, or His Dudeness or El Duderino, if you’re not, like, into the whole brevity thing.
JBB: Right on, Dude. So, what did you think of the performance tonight?
BG: Well, we won, so, yeah…that’s a good thing.
JBB: You had a good night; 9 of 16 for 161 yards and a touchdown pass.
BG: I threw a TD? Far out!
JBB: Yeah, Dude. You had a 3-yard toss to Tony Stewart in the second quarter.
BG: Well, the Dude abides.
JBB: There has been a lot of talk about the competition at the quarterback position in Oakland. JaMarcus Russell is getting pushed by Jeff Garcia for the starting gig and you and Charlie Frye are in a battle for the third string. How do you think last night changed the depth chart?
BG: Well, man, if you read that Mike Florio guy you’d think Jeff Garcia is neck and neck with JaMarcus. Ha! Garcia doesn’t care about playing football, man. That guy just spent two weeks in Napa hanging out at wineries and bangin’ his supermodel wife while we were out there in the heat of training camp.
JBB: Yes, he hasn’t suited up in contact drills and he didn’t play last night.
BG: Right, man, that’s what I’m saying. So, forget that whole thing with Russell and Garcia. I mean, did you see those deep throws to Darrius Heyward-Bey?
JBB: Yeah, Dude, I noticed that Russell went deep to DHB twice in the opening drive.
BG: Yeah, man. Good luck getting Garcia to stretch the field like that. I mean, Jeff’s a cool guy. I dig his whole leather pants, douche bag style and all. But he’s not going to be doing much more than holding a clipboard. JaMarcus didn’t connect with DHB on those throws, but you saw how much attention that Raider speed gets down field, man.
JBB: True. Those early throws helped open up the field for Chaz Schilens. What do you think about Schilens, Dude?
BG: That Schilens guy is good. He’s a big San Diego kid with speed. I’m not into the whole fantasy football thing, but I think he’s called…a sleeper? He made a nice sliding grab, then hopped up before any Cowgirl touched him and got a first down. Guy always goes all out on every play. I love that about him, man.
JBB: What did you think of Tom Cable’s play calling?
BG: Oh, yeah, man. Walter…wait…I mean Coach Cable…sorry, man. Coach looks a lot like my friend Walter. Anyway, Coach called a good game. He’s all about the passing game, which, as a quarterback, is righteous, man.
JBB: Who do you think should get most of the carries in the running game?
BG: Well, man…that’s a tough call. That Justin Fargas is as tough as they come. Plus, Young Hugg has a great hook up for some killer buds, man. He hangs out with this Yukmouth guy who is always on deck. What were we talking about? Oh, the running game…right. Michael Bush is a Chevy Nova with a bored Hemi under the hood in a Raider uniform, but Darren McFadden is a blur, man. Did you see that 45-yard run?
JBB: Yes, Dude. McFadden looked good on that big gain. You guys also have Louis Rankin and Gary Russell who both had TDs last night. What do you think of their chances of making the roster?
BG: Yeah, you know, that’s not my business, man. I’m The Dude, ya see? The Dude sticks to his business and let’s Walter…ummm…Coach Cable, worry about that.
JBB: Any thoughts on how the Cowboys looked last night, Dude?
BG: Well, their first team offense really moved the ball on our defense, man. They got a three-and-out the first series, but as soon as Nnamdi Asomugha was off the field that Tony Romo started picking on Stanford Routt. Not cool, man.
JBB: How do you think Romo played?
BG: He was ok. I don’t know. I mean, he’s got that Jessica Simpson waiting on him when he comes home. That ain’t too shabby.
JBB: He broke up with her in an IHOP parking lot a few weeks ago, Dude.
BG: Oh, hey man, that’s right! I heard Chad Ochocinco talk about that on that Hard Knocks show on HBO. IHOP, huh? They’ve got some tasty syrup flavors there, man.
JBB: Yes, they do, Dude.
BG: You know, me, Charlie Frye and this other guy…Ben Roethlis…something, we all played our college ball in Ohio around the same time, man. We used to love to go to IHOP and talk about all the trim we were chasing those days. Good times! Kinda strange to think that here we are in the NFL and I’m about to put Charlie out of a job. Whatever happened to that Ben Rothel…whatever? That dude always crushed more twat than me and the Frye Guy combined.
JBB: Actually, Dude, Ben Roethlisberger…
BG: That’s his name! Far out, man!
JBB: Yes, as I was saying. Roethlisberger plays in Pittsburgh. He’s won a couple Super Bowls but actually is being accused of rape now.
BG: Oh…bummer, man. What did you say about a couple bowls? Is it 4:20 yet?
JBB: No, Dude.
JBB: Overall, how did you feel about the team effort tonight?
BG: Well, man, it is early. But overall, it was good. Hey man, Michael Huff even had an interception! When does that ever happen, man? This Nick Miller kid has made some great catches in camp and had another one last night. Javon Walker better watch his back, man. Cooper Carlisle had a couple of penalties. Walter…damn it! I mean, Coach Cable won’t like that. Oh, and Jason Horton had three penalties including a P.I. in the end zone. I think that dude is cut, man. Plus, I think that Terdell Sands spent more time on his back than Alyssa Milano in the locker room of a team that just won the World Series last night. It wasn’t all bad. Ricky Brown got a sack on a blitz. A blitz, man! When does that happen in Oakland? JaMarcus even had an 18-yard run. So yeah, there’s still work to do, man. It’s just one preseason game.
JBB: Good point, Dude. Huff is really out there trying to get his job back.
BG: Hey man, in this economy, we’re all trying to get our jobs back. Well, hey, man. If that’s all you’ve got for me then I’m going to get to the In-N-Out in Daly City, man.
JBB: Thanks for your time, Dude.
BG: Yeah, right on. Hey, man, think you could give me a lift to the In-N-Out? My car got impounded.
JBB: No problem, Dude.
(The above interview was a fictional piece. In no way does Bruce Gradkowski advocate the consumption of marijuana or the manner in which Tony Romo broke up with Jessica Simpson.)
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