The Javon Walker Timeline

Javon Walker will collect $2.6-million in 2010 for doing absolutely nothing. Not that it’s any different than how he collected all those Al Davis endorsed checks over the course of last the last two years.

Today the Raiders finally swallowed their stubborn pride and severed ties with the $55-million mistake.

In recent California history, there have been three epic cash failures.

3) IndyMac Bank

2) Andruw Jones

1) Javon Walker

Here is a timeline detailing Walker’s days as an Oakland Raider.

March 6th, 2008 – Raiders sign free agent Javon Walker to a 6-year contract valued at $55-million ($16-million guaranteed). Bernie Madoff praises Walker as the NFL’s Ponzi scheme king.

June 16th, 2008 – Walker is found unconscious at 7:19am on a Las Vegas street. Reports surface stating that Javon was seen at a Vegas night club two nights earlier where he sprayed the crowd with 15 some odd bottles of Dom P. Al Davis declares the incident a national tragedy. He later urges Vegas club promoters to begin immediate sensitivity training for their patrons who clearly failed to understand that Walker’s intentions were to impress skanks and not to promote violence.   

August 2nd, 2008 – Reports circulate claming that Walker was talked out of retirement by Al Davis. Davis denies the claim and then sends senior executive John Herrera back in time to assault every journalist who reported the story. Unfortunately Herrera was mistakenly sent into the future where he proceeded to accost San Jose Mercury writer Tim Kawakami. The incident creates a parallel reality in which Darrius Heyward-Bey becomes the greatest receiver in NFL history.

October 19th, 2008 – Walker scores the only touchdown of his Raider career in a 16-13 overtime win against the New York Jets. The touchdown helps little Timmy Okerman of Hemet, California, to a dramatic win in fantasy football. That same evening, on his death bed, Timmy thanked Walker for fulfilling his dying wish just prior to slipping into a diabetic coma. Walker establishes a fund for the continued research on the effects of abusing Mountain Dew Code Red. Slowly but surely, Mountain Dew begins to scale back distribution of Code Red.

November 9th, 2008 – Javon catches what would be his final pass as an Oakland Raider in a 17-6 loss to the Carolina Panthers. Herrera returns to the present where he attempts to warn Davis not to sign Walker but arrives too late. However, Herrera strongly advises Davis to draft Heyward-Bey to replace Walker.

November 14th, 2008 – Walker undergoes season ending ankle surgery. He finishes his first season in Oakland with 15 catches for 196 yards and 1 TD. Andrew Walter is saddened by the news and decides to dedicate the rest of the season to honoring Javon by refusing to take the field again until Walker returns. Walter is later released to make room on the roster for Darrius Heyward-Bey. 

May 8th, 2009 – Javon is unable to participate in off-season OTAs due to his recovery from a secret knee surgery. Walker becomes incredibly cryptic when discussing the surgery which we later discover took place in Israel (true story).

January 3rd, 2010 – The regular season comes to an end with Walker having been active for only three games. His stats: 0 catches, for 0 yards and 1 fumble. Bernie Madoff sends a letter to Walker offering him a job once Bernie’s 150-year jail sentence has concluded.

February 16th, 2010 – Walker returns to Las Vegas with rapper Bow Wow who convinces Javon to refrain from making it rain with expensive Champaign.

March 8th, 2010 – Javon Walker and veteran defensive end Greg Ellis are released by the Oakland Raiders. Walker vows to never rest until every can of Mountain Dew Code Red is removed from the shelves of convenient stores in the United States.

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