JaMarcus Russell held out for $9-million

We now know exactly what JaMarcus Russell was holding out for when the Raiders made him the number one pick in the draft. He needed $9.55-million in cash!

Russell and his agent knew that the Lord of Lethargy would go through $30-million faster than a case of Sticky Buns. Like all good scumbags agents, Eric Metz was looking out for his client’s best interests.

Problem is, JaMarcus failed to realize who he was doing business with.

Al Davis might spread cash around more haplessly than Pacman Jones in Sin City. But don’t think for a second that Uncle Al isn’t keeping tabs on every dollar he drops.

JaMarcus can’t run to begin with, so there is no place for him to hide.

In a vintage Al Davis move, the Oakland Raiders have filed a grievance against JaMargarine Ruffles in order to get back $9.55-million of the $39-million they invested in the Farce of the Franchise. Russell, in turn, has filed a grievance against an overly energetic personal trainer.

Russell’s agent made it clear that his client worked hard during a tenuous holdout to ensure he had a pot of gold waiting for him at the end of the rainbow.

“The money in question was fully guaranteed. That is why JaMarcus was forced to hold out and miss all of training camp as a rookie. The Raiders know that and this is our only comment.”

Welcome to the club, JaMinkus! He’s not the first person Mr. Davis has sicked his lawyers on. In fact, Russell is going to have to get in line behind his good friend Lame Kiffin if he really wants to hold onto that Kripy Kreme flavored parachute.

Funny thing is that this legal battle will be the hardest work Russell has put in for a check in over three years. Of course, it’s Russell’s handlers who will be doing all the heavy lifting. The only thing Russell is lifting these days is a spork.

The $9-mil should ensure that JaWalrus has enough cash to help his training for the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest on July 4th. If Davis wins out and gets his money back, I’m sure he’ll start the first ever Lethargic Eaters Anonymous organization in the East Bay in honor of #2.   

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  • BigBlackMan

    Chris Shellcroft. You are one sickening person. This piece you wrote reads more like a 2 grader calling someone names. Are you mad that JaMarcus made more money in 1 year, failing at his profession, than you will make in your whole career as a writer. JaMarcus sucks, we know, but what the fuck is with the stupid 2nd grade name-calling. JaWalrus?? JaMargarine?? You (and any one else who takes joy in other short comings) needs to grow up!

  • tdykas

    listen up bigblackman. if russel would have tryed as hard as he put away grandma sweet potato pie.. there would be no problem. But as we all know pie came before film study , work outs and a heart for the game …

  • Kate

    What makes MeFirst Fatty any different than Owner Way-More-Stupid-Than-Senile? The withering jackass Davis has been stealing money from fans for years!!!

  • SC Gal

    Let’s just all be glad that Jamarcus is history!!!!!

    I don’t remember “booing” a Raider, that is until I was at the Titans game (2008). I think every Raider fan there was booing Jamarcus.