JaMarcus Russell held out for $9-million

We now know exactly what JaMarcus Russell was holding out for when the Raiders made him the number one pick in the draft. He needed $9.55-million in cash!

Russell and his agent knew that the Lord of Lethargy would go through $30-million faster than a case of Sticky Buns. Like all good scumbags agents, Eric Metz was looking out for his client’s best interests.

Problem is, JaMarcus failed to realize who he was doing business with.

Al Davis might spread cash around more haplessly than Pacman Jones in Sin City. But don’t think for a second that Uncle Al isn’t keeping tabs on every dollar he drops.

JaMarcus can’t run to begin with, so there is no place for him to hide.

In a vintage Al Davis move, the Oakland Raiders have filed a grievance against JaMargarine Ruffles in order to get back $9.55-million of the $39-million they invested in the Farce of the Franchise. Russell, in turn, has filed a grievance against an overly energetic personal trainer.

Russell’s agent made it clear that his client worked hard during a tenuous holdout to ensure he had a pot of gold waiting for him at the end of the rainbow.

“The money in question was fully guaranteed. That is why JaMarcus was forced to hold out and miss all of training camp as a rookie. The Raiders know that and this is our only comment.”

Welcome to the club, JaMinkus! He’s not the first person Mr. Davis has sicked his lawyers on. In fact, Russell is going to have to get in line behind his good friend Lame Kiffin if he really wants to hold onto that Kripy Kreme flavored parachute.

Funny thing is that this legal battle will be the hardest work Russell has put in for a check in over three years. Of course, it’s Russell’s handlers who will be doing all the heavy lifting. The only thing Russell is lifting these days is a spork.

The $9-mil should ensure that JaWalrus has enough cash to help his training for the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest on July 4th. If Davis wins out and gets his money back, I’m sure he’ll start the first ever Lethargic Eaters Anonymous organization in the East Bay in honor of #2.   

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