Looking Ahead: Five Bold Predictions About the 2015 Raiders

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Nov 2, 2014; Seattle, WA, USA; Oakland Raiders quarterback Derek Carr (4) passes against the Seattle Seahawks during the fourth quarter at CenturyLink Field. Mandatory Credit: Joe Nicholson-USA TODAY Sports

5. The Season

Under head coach Jim Harbaugh, the 2015 Los Angeles Raiders will be the latest NFL team to go from “worst to first.” After drafting Leonard Williams, Denzel Perryman and Derron Smith with their first three draft picks, the Raiders defense, under defensive coordinator Rex Ryan, will be the top-rated defense in the league in terms of yards allowed. Williams will be named Rookie of the Year, and Khalil Mack will be the Defensive Player of the Year, recording 20 sacks.  In Jon Gruden’s offensive system, Derek Carr will have 5,000 yards passing (on 750 attempts) and 40 TD’s and will lose a close MVP vote to Tom Brady because lets not get carried away.  Jim Harbaugh will lead the team to 8 straight wins to start the season, but in a week 9 matchup on the road against Denver he will have a meltdown when Khalil Mack is held for the 35th time in the game and the referee doesn’t throw a penalty flag. Harbaugh will assault the ref, and TV analysts on every network will blame the Raiders “bad-boy” image and rap music. Warren Sapp will drive himself into a frenzy in verbally assailing the entire Raider organization live on the NFL Network until he breaks down crying and muttering “I stole so much money from them. And now its all gone.  All gone!”

After Harbaugh is banned for life, Gruden and Rex Ryan will be named co-head coaches and will lead the team to into the playoffs as AFC West champions. The Raiders will defeat the Cincinatti Bengals in the divisional round of the playoffs and Marvin Lewis will still keep his job.  In the AFC Championship game, the Raiders will face the New England Patriots. Charles Woodson – playing in his last NFL game – will apparently strip-sack Tom Brady late in the 4th quarter but the play will be reviewed and called back on the Tuck Rule. The Patriots will go on to win the game on a field goal.  After the game, Jon Gruden and Rex Ryan will jump Bill Belichick, with Ryan becoming oddly focused on removing Belichick’s shoes. Raider fans in both LA and Oakland will riot in the streets, touching off the most destructive urban unrest in American history. And then some obnoxious blogger will write another six-page article making bold predictions for the 2016 Raiders.